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I Am Horrible


I am not horrible. I feel horrible. I feel like I am performing really horribly. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I feel like there are so many expectations not being met. I can literally see all of the important, truly there are important things falling through the cracks. My mind is not able to perform at top capacity. I am too obsessed about our little man coming into the world in just a few short weeks, people! My baby boy will, likely, be born in about three weeks! EEEKKK!!!!

I just really can not wait! I am SO excited! I seriously can not think of anything else. My husband has to be sick of me bringing this stuff up, but he’s being amazing! He is talking through so many details and making things happen for me, supporting me and loving me in spite of all my pregnancy mood swings. He truly is UH-MAZING!!!! I love him so much, and he makes me feel so loved.

Anyways, enough sap. Back to the point… if there is one. Sorry, readers, please bear with me. I’m trying to make sense, but like I said… my mind is a little unreliable right now. Maybe that’s why I’ve been late in posting these last two times. I can’t trust my brain to type coherently. Hm. It’s a thought.

Anyways! I’m not horrible and neither are you! We are too hard on ourselves. Plus, if we’re truly resting and relying on God, then we need to be trusting that if we’re following His leading that everything, big and small, will be taken care of in the right time. Not everything has to be done right now. It feels like it. And it feels like if it didn’t get done then - I failed.

This is false. This is a discouraging thought planted by the Devil, so that it will replay over and over again every time something doesn’t get done. Plus those humans around us that have that constructive criticism that we love so much on hand whenever we’re already down… Their timing couldn’t be better. (Insert: healthy dose of sarcasm.) But, you know what? God is Who matters. His opinion is the only one that matters. If He isn’t condemning you, then why should we condemn ourselves? Why should we listen to the criticism?

God has a plan, and He is still in control. Stop trying to take the wheel of your life thinking that you can handle it better. Thinking that you can get things done faster. What a load of bologna. We can’t do anything faster. We just act frazzled. If we want true success or efficiency, we have to do it God’s way. And so importantly, we need to rest in His timeline for when we get where we need to go. It’s ok that I can’t consistently write my third book right now. It’s ok that I can’t market my published books right now. It’s ok that I’m not chasing fame and fortune. It’s ok that I’m not running myself ragged to hit my dream goal of writing more books than I or anyone else thought possible of me.

Honestly, I don’t want the fortune. I just want my work to be a blessing. Knowing that I am following God’s calling on my life is such a great blessing and peace beyond anything that I could have imagined. All is going well and according to God’s timeline as it should be. Not to say that I haven’t tried to rush it. Not to say that I didn’t burn myself out once… ok, twice… striving for the perfect marketing plan. No, I haven’t been perfect in resting in Him and His leading. That’s human patience for ya. It doesn’t work. ;)

But, when I am calm and waiting and stepping as He directs. Great things happen, and my dream, which matches with His I might add, begin to unfold and quicker than if I had relied on myself. God is wise. He is perfect, and He knows what’s best for me and my family.

Right now, I am supposed to take care of my family and prepare for this new little one on the way. Right now, I am supposed to wait on my God as He directs my steps. I want to offer Him my very best for His work, so I have to wait on His timing so that it is my best. I’m not fit to write the next novel right now. Forcing it will only hinder its progress. This is completely backward thinking to the world, but God knows best.

Monday Motivation: You are not horrible. I am not horrible. We are just how we were created to be. Rest in God’s purpose and plan for you. Rest assured knowing that you are where you are supposed to be. It’s so hard to let things fall by the wayside when they seem so important at the time. But, let’s trust that God sees the bigger picture and allow Him to lead.

Much love!

Thanks for reading. :)

(I’m working on patience big time… just in case you didn’t pick that up.) LOL

Life might look and feel like a mess, but there is a purpose for it.

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